“What was I thinking?” I said to myself as I walked out of Vacation
Bible School training. I was about to
turn 57 and wondered if I hadn’t made a huge mistake. The church was expecting up to 1000
children. I would be in charge of a
small group of 4th graders.
As I drove home, I confessed to the Lord that I simply did not want to
do this and hoped I would find a legitimate excuse to get out.
The following week I gathered once again for training the night before VBS would start. The director for VBS along with the 4th grade directors did an amazing job organizing and preparing so as to make the week as easy as possible for the volunteers.
I’ll have to give a twenty minute Bible story and the rest of the morning I’m basically a line leader making sure my group of 4th graders get from one rotation to the next without incident. I met my teaching partner and I settled into a decent attitude. As the leaders were about to close our training session, I asked if I could close us in prayer. I’m not sure about what I prayed but I am certain of this: I asked God to give us, the 4th grade team, eyes to see these children as Jesus does.
Monday morning arrived and VBS began without incident. We had finished the worship rally, the drama time, the Bible story and craft. As we went outside for the recreation time I laid eyes on him for the very first time. He was off by himself and everything about his body language and movement screamed anger and hostility. I asked if anyone knew what was going on and I heard things like, “Melt down during craft.” “I don’t know but he refuses to participate.” “He’s been a challenge since he got here.”
I went over and tried to talk to him. He was madder than mad and I was determined to find out why. As he walked around kicking at his name tag which was on the ground, I asked him. His only reply through clenched teeth, “I hate this place.” I picked up his name tag and told him he had to sit down. “I don’t want to.”
I said, “I understand you don’t want to, but I said you have to, now sit.” Surprisingly he complied and thus began my friendship with this 10 year old boy who apparently had more problems than I could imagine, more diagnosis than I was educated to handle, and a new friend too naive to stay neutral.
At first what I saw was a 10 year old that was really fit to be tied that he had to be in VBS and if he misbehaved enough, we would call his mom and he would get what he wanted, to go home. I thought to myself, “Not on my watch, Bubba.” And I told him in no uncertain terms I was NOT going to call his mother. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “I will pursue you like God will pursue you. I will love you like God will love you. My heart is tied to yours and you can run but you will never get away. God and I together will reel you in and win you over. Now let’s go to snack.” I put my arm around his chest and shoulders and forced him to walk with me. We got ½ way to snack before he realized what had happened and he finally pulled away. I let him go but bent over and firmly whispered in his ear, “Stay with me or you won’t eat.”
The room was very crowded and I picked up a snack. As I went back to where I left my new friend, I couldn’t see him at first. I panicked for just a moment and then my eyes spotted him. He had followed behind me to the snack line, picked up his own snack and was standing at a table eating. My friend began to relax and I could see the frustration and tension slip away. I wondered if he had hypoglycemia.
My friend and I began to talk. We went to the last rotation of the day and chatted all the way there. I began to learn about his life at school. Unbeknownst to him, I had filled my pants pocket with animal crackers. So as we walked, I handed him one. Then another. And another. He chuckled when I brought out the third one. Fifteen minutes later when I brought out the 5th or 6th cookie he said, “How do you do that, are you magic?” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Maybe.” And I found out he also liked chocolate animal crackers and goldfish. That information would prove to be useful. As the day was about over I asked him if he wanted to come back. He said he did but he probably wouldn’t be allowed. I asked him why and he told me that once the other teacher tells his mom, his mom will yell at him and keep him home. And I don’t know what that means….really I don’t. But what I clearly “saw” was a boy that was always in trouble and had very little hope.
I told him that if he apologized to the other teacher, I bet we could make sure he was allowed to come back. And with all sincerity, he looked the teacher in the face and said he was sorry. “Tomorrow will be a better day.” He promised. They called his carpool group and off he went before I had a chance to say anything else.
I prayed he would be back on Tuesday.
On Tuesday morning I learned they had transferred my friend from group six to my group. He walked into the gym and I smiled at him. He smiled back. I told him I was really glad he was here and told him he would be in my group. We had a really good day.
I had a pocketful of chocolate Teddy Grahams and would hand him a few every so often. And although he still wouldn’t participate in anything, he followed all directions. I saw this as a huge victory and hoped he did too. I learned many things about him. Too many things really. He’s been in several elementary schools. I said, “Oh my, how many times have you moved?”
“None,” he replied, “I’ve been kicked out of a few.” I handed him a Teddy Graham. I asked him if he could tell me why. He said that when he gets angry he goes downhill fast. I told him that I understood, sometimes that happens to me too. This time we both ate a Teddy Graham.
Before I knew it, the day was over. I reminded my friend that Wednesday was crazy hat day. I told him I would bring one in case he forgot. And off he went into the carpool line.
I prayed he would be back on Wednesday.
On Wednesday morning I packed a little white sailor’s hat and my own crazy hat and went up to the church. My friend arrived on time and I gave him the sailor’s hat. I wasn’t sure he would wear it and it warmed my heart to see him flip it inside out and upside down trying to determine his style. It also gave us lots to talk about. I learned his family owned a boat. And I learned his paternal grandfather was a naval officer in WW2. We looked him up on my phone. My friend was proud to tell about his grandfather.
We got to craft rotation and I could see my friend begin to get frustrated. He colored his paper with a vengeance. The cramped conditions irritated him. The warm room made him feel closed in. But both were low key enough that he maintained control. We left craft and headed to recreation. He had previously told me how excited he was to do the rec activity this day.
But as soon as we entered the church gym, his entire countenance changed. He hit the wall. He kicked a ball with force. He went over the PVC pipe-built 9 square structure. 30 years of being a mom told me very quickly, he intended to bring that structure down. So I went right up to him and asked him why? He appeared a bit startled as well as puzzled. I asked him a second time. “Why do you want to bring this down?” What followed nearly tore my heart out of my chest. He told me how he can’t. He just cannot do anything athletic. He. Can. Not! He told me how he had no one to play with and that other kids were mean to him and made fun of him. He said no one comes to his house to play because they don’t like board games or reading. These are the things he liked to do. I could see how so much anger had caused so much hurt and all the hurt just added to the anger.
I directed him to the stairwell and there we sat. I pulled out the Teddy Grahams and he talked a bit more. He began to calm down and we talked about a variety of subjects. He loves History. I showed him pictures of my father in law in his WW2 uniform and told him some stories about my father in law.
The crisis averted and his anger subsided and soon we were off to the next rotation. He got a snack even though we were late. It didn’t matter. I felt like my friend had experienced a victory. He managed his anger through conversation and a little help from some Teddy Grahams. When we got to the end of the day, it was time for worship rally. I couldn’t help but praise our God in heaven for this small success. And as if he read my mind, my little friend got up and danced. It was only a few bars, but he danced. He clapped his hands and he danced!!
Thursday morning arrived and everyone is dragging just a bit. And my little friend was no exception. He entered the gym with a scowl and I asked God for an extra measure of patience. My friend is exhausting for this old gal. And I wondered if his mom wasn’t just plain worn out. I would be.
The morning moved along quickly and in no time at all we were at craft. The craft was a really neat one as the students were to trace a cross onto water color paper with a black sharpie. And then using washable markers, they colored their crosses carefully. When they were all done, the leader would spritz some water onto the paper and all the colors except for the black sharpie would bleed together. All the other kids understood and followed directions and soon there were the most colorful array of crosses. My friend likes patterns and I could tell he was intent on making something blue, violet and red. He meticulously went in order and all was good until he picked up the wrong color marker and made a mistake. The anger welled up inside him like a volcano and the lava started to ooze out. He crumpled his paper and squeezed it as tight as he could. We were in a room with about 40 other children and I quickly asked my friend to walk with me. I grabbed the bag with the Teddy Grahams.
We left the room and walked around the upstairs hall. He told me how he hates to make mistakes and he feels so dumb when he does. Through clenched teeth he told me at least 5 times how much he hates making mistakes. My heart broke into a million pieces. I could relate and told him I hated it when I made mistakes too. And I told him that I liked doing art stuff and I showed him pictures of the cards I like to make. Then I told him that I had some of that same paper at home and I would bring some tomorrow so he can try the craft again.
He looked at me with eyes as big as saucers and asked, “You would do that? You really would bring me some more paper?”
I laughed and said, “Yes.”
He smiled really big and said, “Gee, thanks.”
His anger was under control and we went forward with the day. We missed snack and half of the worship rally, but he went home content. I am exhausted.
It’s Friday morning. I arrived a bit early for VBS. I feel tired and somewhat satisfied. It’s been a hard week and yet I feel so certain God lead me down this path to intersect my life with my new friend. I know I am going to hate to say goodbye and it is with some guilt that I admit I will feel relief as well. I went to the sanctuary early, before my friend arrived. I heard later that he was afraid I wouldn’t be at VBS when he didn’t see me in the gym. Another teacher convinced him that I was already in the “big church” and he cautiously followed her. He hugged me this morning. He has my heart.
As we waited for the program to begin he told me about a gift he made. He meant to bring it, in fact, it was sitting right by the door. He said he hoped his mom would be able to bring it later. And then he told me how he took a small jar and decorated it to make a candle holder. He wanted to make sure I clearly understood that I shouldn’t use real candles because the glass may break. I promised I would use the battery candles.
His mom arrived with my gift. She seems like a really terrific lady and I feel ashamed that I passed judgment on her earlier in the week. Her life can’t be easy. I asked God to remind me to pray for her often.
My friend followed me from worship to drama to Bible story and finally to craft. Today was a victory in my mind as we completed the entire craft without incident. After craft we headed to recreation and my friend agreed to sit on the bleachers so I could get some VBS paperwork completed. He lasted all of five minutes and came in. He proceeded to tell me it was far too hot outside for him so we went to the gym. Only a few other people were in the gym and my friend was able to play by himself with a few beach balls. He was much more coordinated than I expected and it makes me wonder what goes through his mind that causes him to believe he cannot play sports. His mental illness is cruel.
Finally, it was time for the last rotation of the day and we headed to the sanctuary for the final worship rally. He still does not participate by singing or dancing, but I can see the joy creeping into his demeanor. He is less guarded. He is more relaxed. I praised God for this sweet moment.
The music faded and I told my friend that soon he would have to go. I asked for a hug and he submitted. We agreed to look for each other on Sunday. I told him I was so glad we got to be friends. And as suddenly as he entered my life, they called his carpool line and he was gone.
I am changed forever by him.
